Sexual Abuse can involve any of the following:
- excessive jealousy
- calling you sexually derogatory names
- criticizing you sexually
- forcing unwanted sexual act
- forcing you to strip, or forcefully stripping you
- sadistic sexual acts
- withholding sex and/or affection
- making sex conditional on your behavior or agreement
to include practice you are not happy about, e.g using porn or sex
toys
- minimizing or denying your feelings about sex or sexual preferences
- forcing sex after physical assault
- using coercion to force sex
- taking unwanted sexual photos, sharing these with other people/internet without your consent
- forcing you into prostitution
- forcing sex when you are ill or tire
- The
less overt forms of sexual abuse are described more fully in
Subtle Sexual Abuse, together with the warning signs that sexual abuse may occur in a relationship.
- FOR MORE INFO. VISIT http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/sexual_abuse.html
Domestic violence affects children in multiple ways:
- children can suffer from witnessing abuse
- children can be harmed as a result of trying to break up a fight or ward off an attack by the abuse
- children can pick up on the fear, anxiety and trauma of the person being abused and can also pick up on the aggressive vibes from the perpetrator of violence
- children living in a home with domestic violence are at a far greater risk of suffering child abuse directly (the NSPCC recently reported that in one third of the child abuse cases they were made aware of, domestic violence in the home was a factor
- children can be used to manipulate one partner against the other, both while still living together and once the victim of abuse has left
- children are frequently used to threaten the victim to ensure they stay or submit to further abuse (threats such as the abuser will harm or kill the children, report themother to Social Services, or gain custody of the children are all very common)
- http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/domestic_violence_and_children.htm
- Different types of rape
- Marital rape is generally sub-divided into three categories: those
rapes which involve a degree of violence, those that use enough force
to control the victim, known as 'force-only' rapes, and sadistic rapes.
- Violent rape occurs, as the name suggests, when
the abuser uses enough physical violence to cause injury to the
victim, apart from any injuries due to the rape itself, ie injuries
to the genital area or breasts. Examples would include the husband
punching his wife or injuring her with a knife - the rape being
part of a violent assault, or the violence being a part of the
rape. Many abusers will also force their wives to submit to sexual
acts after a physical assault, either to prove her forgiveness
or to further intimidate and humiliate her - and if the wife should
refuse such an act, even the threat of further violence (or a
previous experience!) will soon ensure her compliance.
- 'Force-only' rape is usually understood to include
only enough force used on the part of the abuser to control or
hold his wife in position, eg holding down the victim by her arms
or wrists to prevent her defending herself or escaping. This form
of rape is common where there is a larger contrast between the
physical size and strength of abuser and victim, or in abusive
relationships where physical violence is infrequent or non-existent
(insofar as one does not categorize sexual assault itself as a
violent act). In most cases of 'force-only' rape, coercion plays
a large part. The victim may also be so confused and numbed by
constant emotional abuse, that she simply does not know how to
act or react when sex is forced on her.
- Sadistic rape is sometimes also present. This
tends to indicate that in addition to the rape itself, the victim
is either forced to comply with or undergo deeds designed to further
humiliate her. Examples of this would be the abuser/rapist urinating
on the victim, acting out a fantasy of torturer, or using other
object during a rape. Sadistic rape may or may not involve further
violence. Some people consider buggery as a sadistic form of rape,
since its effect on victim is often particularly humiliating.
- It is difficult defining clear-cut lines between the different types
of rape, since rape can involve any of the above or a combination
of them. For instance, the rapist may use coercion tactics and enough
force to control the victim initially, but then use increased violence
if the victim struggles. Many victims of marital rape feel guilty
for not having struggled more, or have been told that if they did
not try to physically fight their abuser and thereby sustained injuries,
that it is not 'real rape'. This can be extremely distressing and
add to the trauma already experienced. What has to be remembered is
that when you are living with your abuser, you are often very finely
tuned to him, employing numerous coping mechanisms to limit the damage
to yourself: you may realize either consciously or subconsciously
that if you struggle, he is likely to get violent or take his anger
out on you in other ways.
- "I tried to push him off me, so he grabbed both my
arms and flung them above my head, held them there and continued
... He held my arms by the wrists with one of his hands and held
them so tight and with so much of his weight on them, that they
really hurt and then started losing any sensation. When he finally
let go I did not make the same mistake again ..." (anon)
- Other reasons a woman may not fight back are so as not to disturb
children sleeping nearby, thereby risking them witnessing the rape;
shock or confusion at what is happening which paralyses her; and real
concern for her abuser, which results in her not wanting to do anything
which may harm or injure her rapist even to the detrement of herself.
- Research seems to indicate that in the context of an abusive relationship,
the woman is most likely to be subjected to rape towards the end of
the relationship, or after she has left, though several women have
reported that their boyfriends raped them at the very beginning of
their relationship - which is reminiscent of the ancient custom of
capturing and raping women to be able to claim them as wives. It would
appear that where rape starts in an established relationship, that
rape is often used by an abuser when other control tactics, such as
isolation or emotional abuse are no longer sufficient to maintain
his power and hold over her, or to punish her for either leaving or
trying to leave. Only too often, this works.
There are four key steps to being successful in the
counseling process:
- Willingness
- Motivation
- Commitment
- Faith
- ...children many experience any of the following problems:
- Emotional Problems: crying, anxiety and
sadness, confusion, anger (which can be directed toward either parent
or other children, etc), depression, suicidal behavior, nightmares,
fears and phobias. In younger children and babies eating and sleeping
disorders are common. Children can also suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder). See PTSD in Children
for further information.
- Behavioural Problems: aggression, becoming
troublesome at home or at school, withdrawing into or isolating
themselves, regressive behavior (such as baby-talk, wanting bottles
or dummies, etc), lower academic achievements.
- Physical Problems: bed-wetting, nervous
ticks, headaches or stomach aches, nausea or vomiting, eating disorders,
insomnia.
- Older children will often hold themselves responsible for the abuse,
especially where extreme violence has been an issue. Children living
in an abusive environment may also condone violence or the threat
of violence to resolve conflict in relationships.
Muyonga Jackson
"I tried to push him off me, so he grabbed both my arms and flung them above my head, held them there and continued ... He held my arms by the wrists with one of his hands and held them so tight and with so much of his weight on them, that they really hurt and then started losing any sensation. When he finally let go I did not make the same mistake again ..." (anon)
Other reasons a woman may not fight back are so as not to disturb children sleeping nearby, thereby risking them witnessing the rape; shock or confusion at what is happening which paralyses her; and real concern for her abuser, which results in her not wanting to do anything which may harm or injure her rapist even to the detriment of herself.
Research seems to indicate that in the context of an abusive relationship, the woman is most likely to be subjected to rape towards the end of the relationship, or after she has left, though several women have reported that their boyfriends raped them at the very beginning of their relationship- which is reminiscent of the ancient custom of capturing and raping women to be able to claim them as wives. It would appear that where rape starts in an established relationship, that rape is often used by an abuser when other control tactics, such as isolation or emotional abuse are no longer sufficient to maintain his power and hold over her, or to punish her for either leaving or trying to leave. Only too often, this works.
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